Happy birthday, Jessica! Thank you for validating the seemingly abnormal yet very normal Perimenopausal reality. for me, it was way worse than menopause. And the fact that we’re not prepared for the gamut of what to expect makes it even harder. Love that you want to direct that rage into activism.
Jessica, I'm 73, long past menopause. I wouldn't blame your feelings on your anger over Vance and all on it. All of that makes me real angry too! As for menopause, you'll get through it. Just breathe. It will get better!! Happy Birthday!
I'm well past menopause. Please ignore all the stuff floating around of what "we're good for, or supposed to do, or how we're supposed to feel..." Use this time to learn to accept change, plan for your future, and most importantly take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can't share with you how to do it, but research and find resources that will help you though. There is NOTHING easy about this time in life. Changes occur acutely and quickly. Just when you think something is under control and you accept it, things change again. I get on a Bosu ball daily. I do it for balance but I also do it to remind myself that I'm always on a wobbly foundation. I do it sometimes for a minute or more on each foot. Subconsciously it gives me strength and courage to stand on a wobbly foundation. If I fall over or lose my balance I start over again. Find an activity or something that will help you recreate to learn to navigate imbalance.
And by the way. That thing Vance said about watching grandchildren infuriated me. It might be a high aspiration for some, but I was never built that way. However, I will delight in being a spokesperson for the elderly and animals who can't speak for themselves, this I will champion.
"Use this time to learn to accept change, plan for your future, and most importantly take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally." I love all of this. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
52 and I still feel the rage about so many things right now. I know rage is “supposed” to be a very unhealthy emotion but it’s a pretty powerful one as well. I do not see myself softening with age, but instead I feel like I’m sharpening. I no longer have patience for the bullshit of the never ending patriarchy, which just will not die but seems like a beast with endless tentacles. The more ground they lose, the more dangerous they get.
“The whole purpose…”. The WHOLE purpose??? I think every woman (and man) is meant to be figuring out their own purpose. Who made him the arbiter? And why is he forever pontificating about women??? Since when are senators (or aspiring VPs) meant to be deciding what the fuck people’s purpose in life is??? He needs to stay in his lane.
Jessica, I wish I could lift you to the sky to shout this to the stars. This is worthy of our rage! Bravo to you for owning it! I am 71 later this week. I love my life so much I can barely stand it some days. So there is life after menopause and I'm not fucking taking care of grandchildren and that is working out for me! (I have no grandchildren anyway although I would be very happy to have them, don't get me wrong!) Your sweet 50-year old needs your love and tenderness and patience right now. Pretend you are talking to your 10 year old self or your 20 year old self. Find compassion with your sweaty, confused, angry, emotional 50-year old self. Give her love and tenderness and ask her what she wants. And when she says she doesn't know yet, comfort her and let her know that someday she will know. Not knowing is a perfectly fine place to be because then the whole world is possible. You will soon enough find your way. But maybe just one tiny step at a time. Listen. Listen deeply. Grow your intuition. That is where the answers lie. Carl Jung is the one who said, "Just do the next right thing." when a lost and depleted 50-something client asked him what to do. He was not being dismissive. He was helping her to honor what might be unconscious. The unconscious won't give you the whole package at one time, just what you are ready for, so do that. And only that one next thing. And see how it feels.
I am so puzzled by why the MAGAs are so interested in our private parts - vaginas, menopause, tampons, abortions, IVF. They are fucking sick with this obsession. They deserve our rage, but this is not new and I could (and should ) write a whole piece about the collective grief of women for all time. For now, if the rage drains you, which it might, you will have to be grown up and let it go just to make it to the next day. It can feel like a volcano is erupting . This is the heat!!!
Other than all this...let me say the most useful thing I have ever done to develop myself and my inner world is to find a Jungian analyst. It was, for me the most delicious, loving thing I ever did for my SELF. Just my own experience. Jung's work was meant for the middle of life and beyond. So of course, 50 is a ripe time.
I am so grateful you wrote about this. And just know that this is a circle of friendship and whether I know you or not, I know you are a woman who is experiencing what I have experienced. So, I know. I know. Have tenderness for your sweet 50-year old self. She is beautiful and will rise out of the ashes that are burned by the fire. Godspeed.
Thank you for this beautiful response. I can't tell you how much this means to me for you to share your wisdom. I know that I will refer back to it often.
This world needs more goddesses like you. I loved your reply to Jessica, and screen shot so I could keep it and read it again. Alicia, you really do make this world a better place. ♥️
Helen, thank you so much. We need a big conversation about this, right? …I’m working on it. I really appreciate this. And the goddesses would smack the world down for disrespecting older women!
You are so right, we absolutely do need to keep talking about it, and also supporting and raising each other up, in just the way you so magnificently do here. 🙏🏻
Thanks! My first book on the subject was "Aphrodite's Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica after Midlife," from North Atlantic books. My new one, "Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance," is out 8/29.
Hi! I love my 50s!! If you can get your menopausal symptoms under control everything else is pretty great. combine the knowledge you’ve collected over 50 years with a body that still works pretty well and look out world!! Come check out my midlife adventure at Women’s Survival Guide where I interview midlife women with a passion!
Same, it’s been such a blast after the initial shock of what it actually entails hit! I got back on track pretty quickly though as soon as the hormones were sorted and now I’m motoring my way through my 50s discovering and doing all sorts of new things and inspiring other women to do the same. It’s so much fun! Will subscribe!
Sure thing, thanks for asking. You can listen to our podcast for women in midlife to GET LOUD, on substack at: https://girlfriends.substack.com/ or wherever you listen to podcasts!
Ah, yes. The myriad books, research, nutrition, exercise, ayurvedic counseling, acupuncture...just trying to not cling to the past where I used to compete in triathlons and now can't because of crunchy knees and no cartilage in my foot...looking at women in their 20's and thinking, "I used to be strong like you...don't take this time for granted!" And then the stupid, STOOPID men who have no. damn. clue. I think we'd all be seething at them regardless of our hormones being off-kilter. But guess what? We don't have TIME for their crap. You know why they're mouthing off like pre-pubescent morons? Because they are scared. They're scared that we're going to have a woman president and that they're losing their white-man-power to the rest of us who are DONE with their greedy, narcissistic bs and thinking the sun rises and sets for them only. So, don't worry, sister. We got this!
I turned 59 this month. Like everyone who has ever had the pleasure to reach my age, I wish I knew in my 20’s and 30’s what I know now.
What I do know is that men have a big problem. They built their world on women’s free labor and now we either want to be compensated or we don’t want these jobs of wife, mother, caregiver of the elderly. The sad thing is that for most women, the idea of compensation is simply men being better people, better bosses, better husbands. Domestic partnership, paid maternity leave, recognition of unpaid labor - but this is too much for so many men.
Women my age participated in the patriarchy but we minimized negative effects by voting for our rights and entering the workforce. Young women today are learning the only way to win is to not play at all.
JD Vance!?! No words. I have already made it VERY clear to my children that I do not intend to be free childcare for any prospective babies. Yes I'm writing a book and exploring the world and changing career this 50th year. I have never felt so flipping free.
Happy Birthday and welcome to the 50 club and post menopausal life. I would ignore anyone who tells you what your purpose in life should be according to them especially a man. Focus on what you want to let go of and enjoy the much needed boundaries you will learn to set during this season. I will say helping to raise your grandchildren brings a wonderful sense of joy especially for women like me who never thought they would have them. The best part is you get to give them back. When they have their moments when they are just not nice as children can be, you give them back to their parents and go home to your quiet house. But when they see you pull up to your house and run to give you the biggest hug of your day, well that’s when you realize all the rage of day leaves you and you get to just feel the love in their heart for you. Not a bad thing at all.
Thank you for sharing this. I turn 50 in just over a year and this helps me feel like I'm not crazy for feeling any of the things I'm feeling.
Happy birthday, Jessica! Thank you for validating the seemingly abnormal yet very normal Perimenopausal reality. for me, it was way worse than menopause. And the fact that we’re not prepared for the gamut of what to expect makes it even harder. Love that you want to direct that rage into activism.
Jessica, I'm 73, long past menopause. I wouldn't blame your feelings on your anger over Vance and all on it. All of that makes me real angry too! As for menopause, you'll get through it. Just breathe. It will get better!! Happy Birthday!
Thanks so much! This helps!
Now I gotta go rent me some grandkids to mother. I hope there’s a tax credit!
This made me chuckle.
I'm well past menopause. Please ignore all the stuff floating around of what "we're good for, or supposed to do, or how we're supposed to feel..." Use this time to learn to accept change, plan for your future, and most importantly take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can't share with you how to do it, but research and find resources that will help you though. There is NOTHING easy about this time in life. Changes occur acutely and quickly. Just when you think something is under control and you accept it, things change again. I get on a Bosu ball daily. I do it for balance but I also do it to remind myself that I'm always on a wobbly foundation. I do it sometimes for a minute or more on each foot. Subconsciously it gives me strength and courage to stand on a wobbly foundation. If I fall over or lose my balance I start over again. Find an activity or something that will help you recreate to learn to navigate imbalance.
And by the way. That thing Vance said about watching grandchildren infuriated me. It might be a high aspiration for some, but I was never built that way. However, I will delight in being a spokesperson for the elderly and animals who can't speak for themselves, this I will champion.
"Use this time to learn to accept change, plan for your future, and most importantly take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally." I love all of this. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
I hope you find all that you desire.
52 and I still feel the rage about so many things right now. I know rage is “supposed” to be a very unhealthy emotion but it’s a pretty powerful one as well. I do not see myself softening with age, but instead I feel like I’m sharpening. I no longer have patience for the bullshit of the never ending patriarchy, which just will not die but seems like a beast with endless tentacles. The more ground they lose, the more dangerous they get.
Wow, sorry, that went dark there. 🤯
Oh, I agree. I don't rage as unhealthy at all.
“The whole purpose…”. The WHOLE purpose??? I think every woman (and man) is meant to be figuring out their own purpose. Who made him the arbiter? And why is he forever pontificating about women??? Since when are senators (or aspiring VPs) meant to be deciding what the fuck people’s purpose in life is??? He needs to stay in his lane.
Exactly. I don't need to be told about my life purpose by a 40 year old man — or anyone else.
Jessica, I wish I could lift you to the sky to shout this to the stars. This is worthy of our rage! Bravo to you for owning it! I am 71 later this week. I love my life so much I can barely stand it some days. So there is life after menopause and I'm not fucking taking care of grandchildren and that is working out for me! (I have no grandchildren anyway although I would be very happy to have them, don't get me wrong!) Your sweet 50-year old needs your love and tenderness and patience right now. Pretend you are talking to your 10 year old self or your 20 year old self. Find compassion with your sweaty, confused, angry, emotional 50-year old self. Give her love and tenderness and ask her what she wants. And when she says she doesn't know yet, comfort her and let her know that someday she will know. Not knowing is a perfectly fine place to be because then the whole world is possible. You will soon enough find your way. But maybe just one tiny step at a time. Listen. Listen deeply. Grow your intuition. That is where the answers lie. Carl Jung is the one who said, "Just do the next right thing." when a lost and depleted 50-something client asked him what to do. He was not being dismissive. He was helping her to honor what might be unconscious. The unconscious won't give you the whole package at one time, just what you are ready for, so do that. And only that one next thing. And see how it feels.
I am so puzzled by why the MAGAs are so interested in our private parts - vaginas, menopause, tampons, abortions, IVF. They are fucking sick with this obsession. They deserve our rage, but this is not new and I could (and should ) write a whole piece about the collective grief of women for all time. For now, if the rage drains you, which it might, you will have to be grown up and let it go just to make it to the next day. It can feel like a volcano is erupting . This is the heat!!!
Other than all this...let me say the most useful thing I have ever done to develop myself and my inner world is to find a Jungian analyst. It was, for me the most delicious, loving thing I ever did for my SELF. Just my own experience. Jung's work was meant for the middle of life and beyond. So of course, 50 is a ripe time.
I am so grateful you wrote about this. And just know that this is a circle of friendship and whether I know you or not, I know you are a woman who is experiencing what I have experienced. So, I know. I know. Have tenderness for your sweet 50-year old self. She is beautiful and will rise out of the ashes that are burned by the fire. Godspeed.
Thank you for this beautiful response. I can't tell you how much this means to me for you to share your wisdom. I know that I will refer back to it often.
It’s my true pleasure, Jessica. Anytime.
This world needs more goddesses like you. I loved your reply to Jessica, and screen shot so I could keep it and read it again. Alicia, you really do make this world a better place. ♥️
Helen, thank you so much. We need a big conversation about this, right? …I’m working on it. I really appreciate this. And the goddesses would smack the world down for disrespecting older women!
You are so right, we absolutely do need to keep talking about it, and also supporting and raising each other up, in just the way you so magnificently do here. 🙏🏻
Go goddesses! ✌️😆
Thank you ! We really are all in this one together.
In my humble opinion, the true purpose of post-menopausal women is to write erotic fiction.
I'm 70 and have been writing sex stories for ten years and it is the greatest thing ever.
Ha, awesome! That’s the best thing I’ve read in a long time. I will consider doing the same!
Thanks! My first book on the subject was "Aphrodite's Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica after Midlife," from North Atlantic books. My new one, "Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance," is out 8/29.
Hi! I love my 50s!! If you can get your menopausal symptoms under control everything else is pretty great. combine the knowledge you’ve collected over 50 years with a body that still works pretty well and look out world!! Come check out my midlife adventure at Women’s Survival Guide where I interview midlife women with a passion!
Same, it’s been such a blast after the initial shock of what it actually entails hit! I got back on track pretty quickly though as soon as the hormones were sorted and now I’m motoring my way through my 50s discovering and doing all sorts of new things and inspiring other women to do the same. It’s so much fun! Will subscribe!
The purpose of postmenopausal women is to make a podcast to celebrate postmenopausal women, @Girlfriends of a Certain Age
YES! Can you post the direct link for others?
Sure thing, thanks for asking. You can listen to our podcast for women in midlife to GET LOUD, on substack at: https://girlfriends.substack.com/ or wherever you listen to podcasts!
Ah, yes. The myriad books, research, nutrition, exercise, ayurvedic counseling, acupuncture...just trying to not cling to the past where I used to compete in triathlons and now can't because of crunchy knees and no cartilage in my foot...looking at women in their 20's and thinking, "I used to be strong like you...don't take this time for granted!" And then the stupid, STOOPID men who have no. damn. clue. I think we'd all be seething at them regardless of our hormones being off-kilter. But guess what? We don't have TIME for their crap. You know why they're mouthing off like pre-pubescent morons? Because they are scared. They're scared that we're going to have a woman president and that they're losing their white-man-power to the rest of us who are DONE with their greedy, narcissistic bs and thinking the sun rises and sets for them only. So, don't worry, sister. We got this!
I turned 59 this month. Like everyone who has ever had the pleasure to reach my age, I wish I knew in my 20’s and 30’s what I know now.
What I do know is that men have a big problem. They built their world on women’s free labor and now we either want to be compensated or we don’t want these jobs of wife, mother, caregiver of the elderly. The sad thing is that for most women, the idea of compensation is simply men being better people, better bosses, better husbands. Domestic partnership, paid maternity leave, recognition of unpaid labor - but this is too much for so many men.
Women my age participated in the patriarchy but we minimized negative effects by voting for our rights and entering the workforce. Young women today are learning the only way to win is to not play at all.
I’m with you.
JD Vance!?! No words. I have already made it VERY clear to my children that I do not intend to be free childcare for any prospective babies. Yes I'm writing a book and exploring the world and changing career this 50th year. I have never felt so flipping free.
Happy Birthday and welcome to the 50 club and post menopausal life. I would ignore anyone who tells you what your purpose in life should be according to them especially a man. Focus on what you want to let go of and enjoy the much needed boundaries you will learn to set during this season. I will say helping to raise your grandchildren brings a wonderful sense of joy especially for women like me who never thought they would have them. The best part is you get to give them back. When they have their moments when they are just not nice as children can be, you give them back to their parents and go home to your quiet house. But when they see you pull up to your house and run to give you the biggest hug of your day, well that’s when you realize all the rage of day leaves you and you get to just feel the love in their heart for you. Not a bad thing at all.