The Purpose of a Postmenopausal Female

On turning 50, JD Vance, and menopause

I turned 50 this month, and I’ve been thinking a lot about my purpose at this stage of my life.

I’ve been struggling to articulate why turning 50 feels so different than turning 40 or than being in my forties, but I know that much of this feeling has to do with the escalation of physical and emotional symptoms due to menopause. 

You see what I did there? I can say this in a technical, academic way — “my symptoms are escalating” — but really what I mean is that I am a mess. A literal hot mess.  (And I have the hormone level test results to prove it.)

I’m sweaty. (So sweaty.) I’m waking up at all hours of the night. I’m rage-filled one second and weepy and emotional the next. My ears burn and itch. My eyes are suddenly so dry that they feel like sandpaper coats them. All of a sudden I can’t concentrate or remember details of what happened an hour ago.

I could go on, but I have a feeling you know the drill. If you’re reading this, you are probably a midlife woman and have probably googled perimenopause or menopause symptoms or done your own research somehow. 

Photo by Kendall Scott on Unsplash

I was expecting hot flashes would come for me eventually. What I wasn’t expecting was how all of this would feel. 

The weekend I turned 50, I turned to the internet — I know — and asked for advice and encouragement on Threads and what I received was so unexpected that I still feel like I’m processing it.

In addition to practical advice (“Get a good doctor who specializes in women’s health and educate yourself on menopause”; “HRT is amazing and it’s not some cancer devil”; “Strength training is key for painfree living”), women also offered me generous, unexpected wisdom based on their own experiences:

I appreciate all of this insight. I do. Yet I still feel unsettled, untethered, anxious, and, yes, unsure of what the purpose of my next decades for me will be.

All this preamble about my mental and physical state is here to bring you to the rage and outrage that I felt last night when I saw this.

The Republican nominee for vice president agreed that the “whole purpose of the postmenopausal female” is to help raise their grandchildren.

I’ve had a lot of ideas during the past few weeks about the trajectory of my midlife self:

Should I write a book? Should I explore a new career path? Should I become involved in this new volunteer opportunity? What would my family life look like if I took a full-time job?

Not once have I thought about organizing my future life around taking care of future grandchildren.

That’s not to diminish the importance of caretaking in all its forms at any life stage. We as a society should do much more to support caretakers. No question.

What I’m struggling with is that it is 2024 and I’m a Gen X woman who studied feminism in the 1990s and on top of the very real physical and emotional symptoms that I’m experiencing, I also feel angry and betrayed.

I’m not even sure who specifically has betrayed me at this point. All I know is that every time “childless cat ladies” and “postmenopausal women” and “dumb as a rock crazy laughing Kamala” and abortion bans are discussed by men, I experience a surge of anger so strong that it feels like an out of body experience.

Sure, maybe my wild and unruly hormones are fueling some of this rage. And that’s okay with me.

Maybe right now I don’t need to be obsessing about my life purpose for the next few decades. Maybe right now it’s good enough to stay in the present until November 5th and use my menopausal rage to make a difference in whatever small ways I can.