You are so right Anne, there is little out there to comfort siblings after a loss, and sudden losses are devastating in their own unique ways. My brother died two years ago and it feels like my grief is invisible to most, and also weirdly taboo, perhaps because he was my brother and we weren’t technically “close,” and his death was related to drugs. But grief is grief and loss is painful even when complicated. Thanks for this essay.
I'm very sorry you're in this club, Dana. But I can sure tell you get it. My book digs into this issue of "closeness" and why it is completely irrelevant to whether or not our grief should be acknowledged. All losses should be treated with respect. Thanks so much for reading and for your message. xo
Today's post took me back in time to December 3, 2005, and the casualty officers at our door. My step-son had been killed that day in a drunk driving accident. My husband Pat, Justin's father, would pass the following December. It was a time of unsteadiness for me, Pat's two young adult daughters and my son. I was blessed to go through a series of grief classes offered by our county's hospice program They helped tremendously. Wishing you the best with your program. It's vital that the grieving find a way to process their loss.
I am so sorry you went through that, Karen. Grateful you found someone wonderful to help you through it. Big thanks for reading and for your thoughtful note. xo
This is so interesting to read as I have been looking for other memoirs about sibling loss. I've been working on a first draft of a memoir about my experience of losing my sister suddenly in a car crash nearly 40 years ago (she was 17, I was 14), my father blacking out and crashing the family car with everyone in except me. He suffered a live altering head injury, my mother serious physical injuries. I've always wanted to write about the whole story of how my family coped and recovered through the support of friends, church community and faith, to share the dramatic story, but only in this last year of my life have I started to sit down and write.
I've learnt alot through online memoir writing courses, and am being guided by an excellent memoirist and teacher Dr Lily Dunn here in the UK (See And a Dog) as well as seeing a therapist (essential). I've found the whole process of writing and meeting up with family friends who supported us back then incredibly enlightening but also painful. I've not come across anyone else writing and processing bereavement from such long ago, that unearths traumatic memories from so long ago.
I'm sorry to have missed your workshop, Anne. Do you plan to hold another one? If not, I'd love to find a community of other women writing similar stories of processing pain from decades back.
Thanks so much for reading and for your kind note. Apologies for the late reply.
I'm ever so sorry you are in this club no one wants to join. Sibling loss is a doozy, and sudden loss certainly provides a complicating overlay. Knowing your father was at the wheel surely adds yet another dimension to this tragedy. (100% YES to therapy for all of us!)
Good on you for facing your experience on the page. We need to share more of these stories — they build bridges and heal others.
Yes, indeed, I will be offering my workshop again at some point (TBD), and we would love to have you. You can sign up for updates from my hosts, who offer a lot of other great online writing material: https://www.theherstoriesproject.com/ and you can see what I'm up to on my site: https://annepinkertonwriter.com/
Thanks Anne for your lovely reply. I actually wrote a piece about what would have been my sisters birthday on Weds which has got some great feedback and you might like to read - I’m sure you’ll relate…I’ll keep any eye out and I’ll also see if I can order your book.
I’d be really interested to know more about the state of publishing memoir in the US as here in the UK it’s incredibly hard to get memoir published. It’s putting me off from continuing to see it as a possibility but I DO have a story to tell and I can write well so it’s fairly disheartening. Be curious to know your thoughts at some point.
You are so right Anne, there is little out there to comfort siblings after a loss, and sudden losses are devastating in their own unique ways. My brother died two years ago and it feels like my grief is invisible to most, and also weirdly taboo, perhaps because he was my brother and we weren’t technically “close,” and his death was related to drugs. But grief is grief and loss is painful even when complicated. Thanks for this essay.
I'm very sorry you're in this club, Dana. But I can sure tell you get it. My book digs into this issue of "closeness" and why it is completely irrelevant to whether or not our grief should be acknowledged. All losses should be treated with respect. Thanks so much for reading and for your message. xo
Today's post took me back in time to December 3, 2005, and the casualty officers at our door. My step-son had been killed that day in a drunk driving accident. My husband Pat, Justin's father, would pass the following December. It was a time of unsteadiness for me, Pat's two young adult daughters and my son. I was blessed to go through a series of grief classes offered by our county's hospice program They helped tremendously. Wishing you the best with your program. It's vital that the grieving find a way to process their loss.
I am so sorry you went through that, Karen. Grateful you found someone wonderful to help you through it. Big thanks for reading and for your thoughtful note. xo
This is so interesting to read as I have been looking for other memoirs about sibling loss. I've been working on a first draft of a memoir about my experience of losing my sister suddenly in a car crash nearly 40 years ago (she was 17, I was 14), my father blacking out and crashing the family car with everyone in except me. He suffered a live altering head injury, my mother serious physical injuries. I've always wanted to write about the whole story of how my family coped and recovered through the support of friends, church community and faith, to share the dramatic story, but only in this last year of my life have I started to sit down and write.
I've learnt alot through online memoir writing courses, and am being guided by an excellent memoirist and teacher Dr Lily Dunn here in the UK (See And a Dog) as well as seeing a therapist (essential). I've found the whole process of writing and meeting up with family friends who supported us back then incredibly enlightening but also painful. I've not come across anyone else writing and processing bereavement from such long ago, that unearths traumatic memories from so long ago.
I'm sorry to have missed your workshop, Anne. Do you plan to hold another one? If not, I'd love to find a community of other women writing similar stories of processing pain from decades back.
Hi Siobhan!
Thanks so much for reading and for your kind note. Apologies for the late reply.
I'm ever so sorry you are in this club no one wants to join. Sibling loss is a doozy, and sudden loss certainly provides a complicating overlay. Knowing your father was at the wheel surely adds yet another dimension to this tragedy. (100% YES to therapy for all of us!)
Good on you for facing your experience on the page. We need to share more of these stories — they build bridges and heal others.
Yes, indeed, I will be offering my workshop again at some point (TBD), and we would love to have you. You can sign up for updates from my hosts, who offer a lot of other great online writing material: https://www.theherstoriesproject.com/ and you can see what I'm up to on my site: https://annepinkertonwriter.com/
Best of luck to you!
Thanks Anne for your lovely reply. I actually wrote a piece about what would have been my sisters birthday on Weds which has got some great feedback and you might like to read - I’m sure you’ll relate…I’ll keep any eye out and I’ll also see if I can order your book.
I’d be really interested to know more about the state of publishing memoir in the US as here in the UK it’s incredibly hard to get memoir published. It’s putting me off from continuing to see it as a possibility but I DO have a story to tell and I can write well so it’s fairly disheartening. Be curious to know your thoughts at some point.