14 Comments
Mar 15Liked by Jessica Smock, Steph Sprenger

Powerful and thought provoking! Thanks for reading that book and sharing your perspective!

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Thanks for reading it!

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Her book was a lighthouse for me, too. What a perfect way to describe it. It's easy to say my divorce happened because I am gay, but there was so, so much more to it. The "gay" just made it a pretty irrefutable option.

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There are always so many layers, aren’t there?

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Thank you for this! My divorce was very different (he was the initiator), but the impact - the freedom to own my terror, delight, sadness, hope - has been far more than I could've imagined. Ifeel expansive in a way that i could never have been in my marriage. Also - there are divorce doulas! Some actually call themselves that, most of us just say divorce coach. Mine was a critical piece of making it through the process with integrity and sanity intact.

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Why do we not know about this?? And god they should be required for every divorcing family!! Expansiveness is such a perfect way to put that. I love how you described the freedom to experience even your own terror.

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Thanks! Yes, I had no idea divorce coaches existed. I stumbled onto an amazing one who quite literally made the difference in how we split. She was a godsend! The whole process helped me make the switch out of healthcare to working for myself - with nary an ounce of regret.

If you're going through it - find yourself one!

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Mar 16Liked by Steph Sprenger

This is so validating to read. I recently broke up with a man who refused to get married but was nonetheless in a partnership similar to marriage for five years. Safe for the legal procedures, breaking up is as hard as a divorce emotionally speaking. I had divorced once from a 15-year marriage but had no guidance on how to rebuild my life and my Self afterwards. Then I repeated the same patterns of dysfunction in my subsequent partnership. I grew up in Chinese/Confucius culture, which is very similar to the Midwestern Lutheran culture in regard to a woman's role in the family. (I also have lived in Lutheran-influenced places like the American Midwest and Sweden.) So I understand what you talk about here. It takes so much work to unhook from that conditioning and overcome the self condemnation of being "selfish." But over the past two years, I learned to introduce a drop of selfishness into my life and gradually started to respond to the inner voice that I had suppressed since childhood. I applaud you and all the women who caught the flu of divorce and separation for the sake of their happiness and well being.

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Thank you so much for your comment—I hope you can see how courageous and strong you've been. You're right that that kind of conditioning is so hard to overcome, and tapping into our inner voices, the ones that have been suppressed, is absolutely the way to overcome it. I'm so glad this resonated with you.

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Mar 17Liked by Steph Sprenger

Thank you so much! I feel so seen! What you write here is essentially a PSA for all the women who struggle with the feeling of being trapped in a marriage/relationship and can't seem to find a way out.

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Yes! It is a paralyzing, helpless feeling because we really have forgotten our own strength and value.

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Loved all of your insights and can relate to every one of them. Can’t wait to dive into this book. I think we divorced women are brave badass warriors. I only wish it hadn’t taken me decades to come to the point where I was ready to leave my 33-year marriage and drop the yoke of good girl. It’s never too late, I have to believe. Wish you great success in building your community of women.

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We are absolutely brave, badass warriors. I agree with you; it is absolutely never too late. I hope you can feel your own strength and courage.

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I do😀💪thanks for the kind words.

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