Our Own Worst Enemy

Interrupt the patterns that are holding you back.

Are you looking for a different kind of writing community? MidCircle combines craft and practice with nurturing ourselves as creative midlife women. Membership includes: weekly co-working, guest workshops, writing circles, prompts, critique groups, accountability, and more.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Every time I run an Artist’s Way workshop and we encounter the topic of “crazymakers” (ie, a person who derails you, triggers you, interrupts your flow, etc), inevitably a few brave writers will share: “My biggest crazymaker is myself.” As midlife women who write, we are likely juggling a handful of patterns that aren’t serving us. To name a few:

• Perfectionism

• Over-achieving

• People-pleasing

• Anxiety

• Procrastination

I’m sure we would all agree that those traits aren’t exactly helpful when it comes to our creativity, our productivity, or our stress levels. But vaguely realizing that people-pleasing or catastrophizing aren’t healthy is hardly a map to breaking those patterns. As a lifelong therapy-goer (Shout out to Therapist #5, y’all!), I have spent decades trying to understand myself. In fact, I am knee-deep in this particular journey at the moment, as I am revising a memoir about ADHD, IFS therapy, and my rabid desire to solve myself like a puzzle. So you’d think I was a master of catching myself in old patterns, stopping them, and doing something different. It’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

Last fall I spent three months doing 1:1 coaching with my longtime mentor and founder of Listen To Your Mother, Ann Imig. Ann is also an MSW and certified coach, and she first introduced me to the Positive Intelligence program in a workshop she led for our community last winter. I loved the concept of really digging into our unique strengths as well as the individual ways we sabotage ourselves. The work was a powerful lens into understanding the ways in which I was obstructing my own flow.

Of course, until I actually starting using these techniques, it was just one more way I was trying to think my way into solutions. Ann taught me that real change is 20% insight and 80% practice. Yikes. I prefer to just learn about a thing, stick it on a mental post-it, and hope my system absorbs it through osmosis. But when I started doing the work, I realized that I contain all the tools I need in order to have more peace, better work-life balance, healthier relationships, and more clarity in my creative practice.

I turned to this practice again today. These last few days—and the weeks leading up to them—have knocked me so far off my equilibrium I’m not sure where to begin. In some ways, I think it’s okay to simply acknowledge this—there is no need to bypass grief and rage and anxiety when we are experiencing a crisis, whether personal or national. But/and/also, we cannot linger in a state of paralysis or despair—it serves nobody: not our community, and not ourselves. Last week I wrote about my immersive memoir revision process; it has been intense, all-consuming, and invigorating. But I’m trying to squeeze in hours of focused revisions while also juggling my regular work load, teenage daughters, health, and home. Enter a devastating national crisis, and I don’t know which way is up.

I got stuck today, and it infuriated me. All the clear ideas I had last week about how to tackle specific revisions flew out of my mind. Everything was a chaotic mess—pharmacies weren’t filling meds, appointments needed to be cancelled, bills were coming in, my schedule was filling up. And I just got pissed. I froze. Thoughts rattled around in my brain, knocking into each other: “This is too hard. What is the point. I can’t concentrate, but who cares, because none of this is important. I don’t have enough time. My ideas are terrible. I can’t keep anything straight. I want to quit.”

Why Positive Intelligence matters right now

Enter the skills Ann taught me. I needed to take a break and pause. The Positive Psychology practice I learned from Ann helped me get out of my head and tune into my body and senses. I identified the saboteurs that were in play. I remembered how to extend empathy to myself. I reminded myself that all I needed to do was focus on a small, specific next step. My system settled.

I suspect I’m not the only one who feels dysregulated and overwhelmed right now. I am inviting you to join me on Wednesday at 2 pm EST as Ann Imig leads us through a dynamic, interactive workshop designed to help you identify and interrupt the patterns that send you spiraling and pull you off center and out of flow. You can find everything you need to know here.

This 90-minute workshop is just $30, and will be recorded for those who can’t attend live. Please take care of yourselves this week, and try to give yourself permission to attend to your needs. It is okay to take a break from the news. It is okay to doom-scroll for awhile if you need it. It is okay to harness your rage and write about it, and it is also okay to post pictures of your dog on IG and share recipes on your food blog. It is okay to hide in your bed with a novel, and it is okay to learn a new skill or sign up for a course or write an essay.

I hope to see some of you Wednesday—this will be a gentle, grounding, heart-centered session in a community of some of the most generous, supportive midlife women I know.

Sending love,
Steph

Saboteurs & Superpowers

Wednesday, January 28th at 2 pm EST

We all experience stress, frustration, or self-doubt from time to time in our writing and in life. These feelings aren’t just random—they’re often triggered by patterns in our minds called saboteurs. They’re automatic habits we pick up early in life that quietly shape how we react to challenges, often without us realizing it.

This interactive workshop provides an introduction to the 9 saboteurs that add stress to life’s challenges, limit our options, and negatively impact our relationships, performance, and wellbeing. Attendees will leave with a better understanding not only of what gets in their way, but how to disrupt it and reclaim the ease, flow, and strength underneath it.

An MSW and certified coach, Ann helps burned-out moms regain their mojo, crush their goals, and fuel their joy at home and work. In 2010, she created the storytelling series (and then book) titled LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. Almost 15 years later, LTYM continues Giving Motherhood A Microphone on stages across North America (70 cities and counting). Schedule a free breakthrough session with Ann at listenlifecoaching.com.